Expectations

Can we live without expectations?

I think expectations is a double-edged sword.

Having expectations is akin to giving oneself glimpse of hope. Yet it could also bring disappointment.

Having expectations can motivate one to work harder for their future. Yet it could also bring stress that leads to health problems.

What expectations do I have in various aspects of my life?

Education: I know that my current status is not a student anymore. But I understand how having expectations have positive and negative effects on myself and my studies. Definitely when I was studying in the uni, I have expectations for myself to perform well in all my units of study. This expectation made me put in more efforts into my practical and theory works. But along with this expectation to perform, comes fear of failing. This feeling was strongest when I was in my final semester. Oh well, in the end, I still managed to obtain my degree. I am glad I have been through this phase of life before because I need this experience to truly understand what Mei Yee is feeling throughtout her studies so that I can truly give her support and counsel. Of course, the degree of the effects of this expectation is different for both of us but the basic similarity is there.

Career: I do not want to work just for money. Full stop. I want a job that is fulfilling and meaningful. Money is not my motivator for career advancement. Sure, I know money is important for survival but that doesn't mean I cannot seek for a job that is meaningful yet pay me well. By meaningful job, I mean, jobs that allow me to contribute actively to the societal causes that I care about. I realised that sometimes money is not the only way to help people. And it will take a long time before I would have enough money to help the world. I am not Bill Gates or Einstein. So the only way I can help the world is by doing research that could help people. This is why I choose research as my career path. A lot to expect from my career, which makes me unsatisfied with my current job.

Friends: Does the degree of closeness between friends allow one to have expectation from each other? I do know that there are a few friends whom I considered to be very close to me, whom I will rush to be by their side when they need me or are in trouble. Well, only if location is not a problem. When I was in Perth, during the time when Carina really needs a friend by her side, I wish I was by her side. But I can't, so I have to be content with lending her a readily available listening ear. Now that I am 'permanently' back home, and Jho Yan is really my closest friends here and whom I am really comfortable with, I have been spending most weekends with her. In a way, because I am close to her, I sometimes make my weekend plans, expecting her to be free and available. There are certain friends, especially those who are not from the same place I am from, such as my friends from the uni days, whom I expect to hear from them often, maybe cos when we parted, we said we will keep in touch. When I don't hear from them, I wondered if they have forgotten me, if I have done something bad to them that they don't want to keep in touch anymore, or simply the fact that the 'closeness' we had when we were in the same area did not survive the distance.

Family: With family members I am not close with, everytime I see them maybe for weddings and CNY, I expect by the next coming year or the next time I see them, I would be able to find common grounds with them so that we can have decent conversations instead of silence. With family members that I am very close with and respect, I hope my actions is what they expected from me as they know me since the day I was born. Perhaps this expectation I think they have about me is just an illusion. Perhaps it is just that I have presumptions about them that make me think twice before discussing anything with them. Anyway, it is good that I managed to talk to them about a few issues and found that they do not think badly of me.

I am not sure if I have covered what I set out to write today. Maybe I will visit this topic again.