Idealistic or Realistic?

I have been unemployed since July. Since then, I have been more actively involved in my volunteering passion. Although I am happy with the learning experiences I gained from AI and World Vision, I know now that I prefer working more directly for a change instead of advocating for a change. However, in general, people don't associate volunteering with working as most volunteering work is unpaid. That's why I always feel uncomfortable when people asked "Mei Theng, have you found a job yet?". I always answered "I am working voluntarily for AI". Because I am. Yes, AI don't pay me. But where else would I be able to work in un-science related projects? I was involved in film-making, dealing with artistes in entertainment industry, exchanging ideas with other youth human rights activists in AP region, etc. No matter how short it was, every experiences was an exposure into an almost unknown world ...

Despite all these, the very people who are supportive of my work are now questioning whether will I ever be employed or not. Right now, I am 1/3 of an online biz. They don't take it seriously. I began to question it too. I have a vision ... but it will take some time for it to take off. Will they continue to support me in my vision? People said my head is always in the clouds. Don't they know that human beings don't have to be either realistic or idealistic? You can be both. I am such person. So please don't look at me as though I am sprouting nonsense. Give me the support I need for it to become true. I need more moral support than monetary. Don't let me fall into being the average person. I don't want to be average ...

I want to be more.

I am still a human. I have my faults. But I must continue to create opportunities for myself to contribute to the world in the way I want ... Just donating money no longer works for me. I need to be more involved. I desperately hope that the idea I have now will work out. And tell myself to breathe. And remind myself that there are many more days of my life left, so I won't rush into doing too many things at one time until I am exhausted of living.

Realistic Mei Theng & Idealistic Mei Theng are neither angel or devil but the 2 parts that makes Mei Theng who she is ... and I will embrace all of them.